tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
no you cant smoke seaweed
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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