Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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