Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize