So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
you had me at cake vodka
You dont lie about slip and slides
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Randomize
