Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
