Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
