her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
