ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
