Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
