I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize