Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize