I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
How does it feel to date your dad?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize