smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
