I'm drive I can fine osifer
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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