i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Randomize
