I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
