the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
