Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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