Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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