Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize