Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
