at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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