i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
