I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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