dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
