no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
