This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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