I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
