I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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