We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize