So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize