My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
