I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
