just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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