yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
