im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
