I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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