i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
