I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
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