So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
My feet surprised me
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
