HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
