also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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