I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
