She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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