he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize