Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You made out with two different species that night
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
