dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
