If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
