Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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