My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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