def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
