what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
