I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Randomize
