The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
