Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize