I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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