I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
is that a dick in a sweater?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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