we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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