matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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