help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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