Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
