You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
