just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
