too bad you live with your parents still
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
