i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
