i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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