Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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