We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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