That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
