dude i'm inner monologue high
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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