i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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