I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
