when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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