What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
