He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
