My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
