You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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