last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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