i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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