Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
