You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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