Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize