I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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