She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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