pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
