his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
