omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
