____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Is Oprah even human
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
