Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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