big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
accomplished twins. life is a go
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize