he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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