I'm gonna have a badass scar
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Randomize
